August Man Blog

It is once again time for the deep thoughts of a goat herder. July has come and gone in a flash, and now we are ready to make our yearly pilgrimage to Columbiana, OH, for three weekends of Shaker Woods. Upper management and I made the maiden voyage of the product this past week. The first two shows will be manned by the true dynamic duo, Tina and Jordan. For every single guy on the planet, this is one of those trips where we cringe at the fact our phones may go off at any moment. When the two females of Smayville are together for any amount of time, it can only go one of two ways: epic or tragic. Tragic, I will be receiving texts about how one is focused on her phone while the other is working like a fool. Thus, the next text is from said phone addict saying the other is certifiable due to the reaction over the short break that was taken after much labor. Epic, I will receive multiple happy pictures of big smiles, good food, and new places. I will spend this week visualizing epic and would appreciate all the good vibes sent my way. My observation that it seems to be against nature to house two females together is best kept to myself around those two.

The month of July, we have been busier than usual. The good news is the corn and sunflower mazes are on schedule, and we can't wait for them to be up and running. I have also spent much of July laughing over commercials on Spotify. Spotify thinks that by playing constant commercials, I will upgrade to premium. I grew up on AM/FM that required turning a dial; I am not paying for free that has static, occasional clicks, and just being there due to the weather some days.

The commercial for "Entire Edibles" I can't name the actual store, but you can guess- is all about the ingredients they banned and how that will make for the best back-to-school lunches. In theory, that is great. The food supply and acceptable ingredient list are broken. I absolutely love the fact that the free market has made it possible for such a grocery store to exist. There are enough people paying attention to what they eat for more natural food alternatives to be available in more places. The reality is that when you send your eight-year-old out into the world with cinnamon-dusted dehydrated cabbage snacks, you are indeed setting them on the path to learning to barter or hunger. You can try your best to convince them that granola beats M&M's, but reality will catch up with them.

This month I was also bombarded with information about the World Cup. I was pretty oblivious to the fact that there are as many soccer fans in the world as there are. However, I do not need another sport I do not care about, but pretend I am up to date in conversations. I have no clue what is going on with any sports team at any time. If someone starts discussing any sports team, unless I have already been subjected to a sports chat by someone else and I remember what they said, I have no input. Across the board: baseball, football, soccer, hockey, and basketball all go unwatched by me. I don't need another sport that I will not understand the rules of, will not keep track of the players or teams, and will not enjoy pretending to know anything about. Of all the perks of being on our own, never receiving a never-ending group email about March Madness brackets is top ten. One of these months, I will make a complete list of little things that are not missed. Spoiler alert: the person who knew the least and talked the most during forced call-in meetings, you, sir, are worse than a madness bracket in any month. I hope most folks won't end up as soccer fans. I already have my designated friends that I have to know a little about their sport so they don't think I am weird. I don't want to be responsible for staying up to date on soccer. 

August reminds me that the Hallmark season is starting, and it usually runs well past Christmas. There will be non-stop tacky movies about the bitter young woman who had a turd boyfriend, moved back to her hometown when her job was downsized, and had feelings for her family's rival's son. Throw in some pumpkins and/or Christmas trees, and that is the Hallmark season at the farm. I would love to see them make just one movie a bit more realistic and less ideal. It makes both of us laugh when we are told we are living a Hallmark movie. When the boss tells me to drop my britches on the porch, it is more due to whatever I managed to cover myself in and less about romance. I'd say we're more of a cross between Hallmark, Dirty Jobs, and, if I get out of line, True Crime. But we are going to be doing some really epic adventures here on the farm. We will be running a sunflower maze and a corn maze this fall. The dynamic duo is putting the finishing touches on what will really make them both something special. I'm more of a rough it in kind of guy and then follow their lead after that. But we are all excited beyond belief to get these going.

Until next month, stay safe and wash on.