Dating Advice From The Bibbed Wonder
Yesterday was a rare occurrence for us. The Bean and I traveled to Pittsburgh with The Bean's theater class to see the Broadway production of Peter Pan. While we went into the city, The Bibbed Wonder was left to his own devices. One of Eric's favorite friends stopped by for an evening visit. This friend is a few years younger than The Bibbed Wonder; he needs far less sleep than my bald little buddy and continues playing the field looking for Ms. Right. He was commiserating with The Bibbed Wonder about the end of his latest relationship, which seemed to be based upon differing political views of the friend circle.
I can only share my husband's perspective on the situation. Now, if you are an avid blog reader, you know by now my husband's perspective on the world is, shall we say, a bit skewed in comparison to how most others see the world. It's not that his perspective is wrong; it's just that it's different and often exceptionally humorous. So, I will share with you my take from my conversations with one bib overall-wearing relationship expert.
The Friend: We broke up because I don't want my kids around her friends. I don't like how these people think.
The Bibbed Wonder: Let me clarify: You broke up with her because you don't want the theoretical children you may or may not have to be around her friends who may or may not be in the picture to influence the political views of the children you don't yet have?
The Friend: Yep.
The Bibbed Wonder: Did you guys get along otherwise?
The Friend: Yeah, we got along really well.
The Bibbed Wonder: Son, let me give you some advice. Forget about politics. It doesn't matter if they are Republican, Democrat, Libertarian, or Socialist. Let me tell you what you do need to stay far, far away from when you're looking for a mate. Pinterest and HGTV. Run for the hills if she scrolls through Pinterest and watches HGTV! No, I'm serious. Political views change. Hell, even bad in-laws won't last forever. You know what lasts forever? Ideas on Pinterest and HGTV, that sh** is here to stay. You are bombarded daily with pins on house ideas, shows that complete major renovations in one day, and you will get dragged down with her ideas. Before you know it, your kitchen will be torn apart, there will be cabinet doors everywhere, paint cans where the oatmeal should be, and you won't be able to find the silverware because she decided the drawer that it's been housed in for the last decade no longer "makes sense." Add a subscription to the Hallmark channel, and it's game over. You will watch a movie you thought you saw in the fall, only to be told, "No, this is not the same movie. In this one, they are wearing Christmas sweaters. Duh!" I'm telling you, family and politics are not a big deal. Stay away from any woman obsessed with Pinterest, HGTV, and Hallmark. They are the devil.
And that, dear reader, is my husband's dating advice. As I sit here writing to you, my kitchen counters are covered in paint cans, brushes, new cabinet hardware, and groceries that are yet to be rehomed. The project I swore would only take a week is now on week two and counting. I am losing my enthusiasm for my minor kitchen refresh. My family is over this project. I painted myself into the cubby hole that houses the refrigerator and had to wake up The Bean to help me move the fridge so I could squeeze myself out without ruining my paint job. The Bean is extraordinarily grumpy when I awaken her by yelling at the top of my voice, "Jordan! Help!"
Truthfully, at this point, The Bibbed Wonder's advice is really not off the mark. I'm kind of over myself, HGTV, and Pinterest. Not all ideas are good ones. I won't admit that to him, like ever. As I plug away at day number nine of my "small" project, I will try to focus on how much I like the looks of the kitchen, the organization upgrades that make sense, and the fact that I will never repaint kitchen cabinets...ever.
On this rainy spring day, stay safe, be smart, sometimes outlandish advice is not off the mark, and keep washing your hands.