December's Man Blog

We have a lot of ground to cover in this month's Man Blog.  To start with, but not to make “10 pages of overexcited gibberish.”  I saw a midget burlesque show.  I have been so excited and sharing it with almost everyone I have ever met that I no longer rely on spell check to spell burlesque.  In my required allotment for all I can say (6-word limit): Go if you get the chance.

This month, we also saw the end of the longest government shutdown in history, 43 days, so sayeth Google.  Oddly enough, we went less than 8 hours without hot water after our 20-year-old water heater shut down earlier this year.  As it turns out, our water heater was something we missed.  Our water heater improved our lives.  Without our water heater functioning properly, we found its replacement.  As it turned out, we don’t even miss the old, less efficient water heater.  We prefer the setup and perks of our new water heater.  

Indiana County is the future home to a new data center, which is in the location of a demolished coal-fired power plant.  I have opened the floodgates of my mind, trying to figure out what a data center is, why it exists, and exactly what type of data it stores.  I have no idea.  I know they always try to make the pitch that they are building data centers next to green energy, so they don’t add to grid chaos and greenhouse gases and all of the other feel-good buzz terms that make you want to hug a puppy.  But seriously, does the credit card receipt from Walmart twenty-five years ago really need to be stored for eternity?  What would be the worst case if one stupid video from twenty years ago were no longer online because we cleared the shelves of stale material?  The entire future seems like an old Abbott and Costello skit.  Why do we need data centers? To store data?  What kind of data?  Supercomputer type to save the environment.  What are we saving the environment from?  Long-term effects of overusing resources that produce greenhouse gases.  How are we going to power these data centers?  At least 50% green energy.  What about the other 50%?  Carbon dioxide belching traditional energy-producing means.  So by creating a data center, we are going to see it take half its power from the grid and drive up energy costs everywhere due to the giant surge in demand we can’t keep up with in production?  But we must store data.  We must have giant computer centers to solve complex problems, such as keeping up with rising demand on our grid.  If AI and supercomputers were so helpful, why aren’t they inventing a remote for the TV that beeps whenever the “find my remote” button on the TV is pressed? 

I have noticed this month that the ultimate truth also comes from Google.  If you disagree about whether it was a Bob Evens or Perkins you ate at three weeks ago, you can trace your Google map, go to the street view, and last but not least, check your Facebook check-in status history to verify.  Even more importantly, if the same question comes up from your great-great-grandkids 80 years from now, they will also be able to go through your safely stored data in a number of data centers.  Of course, the great, great grandchildren will have no means of transportation, heat, or electricity because the entire grid will serve data centers.    

This month, we have been overwhelmed with ads for gifts.  I couldn’t resist the wooden figures with balloon heads who fight until one gets stabbed.  Then every goofy stocking stuffer gift idea is endless, popping up on my phone.  The absolute worst ad was for a dry fire training kit.  In a nutshell, you put a laser flasher in a gun in place of a bullet and point it at a screen.  It wouldn’t be bad in and of itself if it were out at a shooting range or in a very safe place to shoot.  However, the commercial sets it up and uses it in an apartment.  Fun fact.  We are the population that could not be trusted with yard darts in the '80s.  No sane person would ever think this to be something that will end well one hundred percent of the time.    

We have been conducting an experiment as a family.  I hate to sound like a tin-foil-hat-wearing type, but it seems more and more like a coincidence that these doggone phones know us so well.  This month, we have all been saying numerous times a day how much we would love to have a nice refreshing glass of camel milk.  Next month, I will update everyone on the results.

Until next month, store that data, learn to spell burlesque, and if at all possible… Go if you get the chance.  Stay safe and wash on.