More Chicken Drama

It is officially official, dear reader, I despise my white chickens. I have seven white hens. I don't know what breed they are. I can't remember what I ordered. I know they are not the average white leghorns. However, I do know they are hags! Clarinda, the water bowl shi**er, is the ring leader. She's like the white chicken mob boss. Not only does she poop in the water dish, which I am now thoroughly convinced is a spite poop, but she also steps right into the middle of the feed dish and just throws feed everywhere. She is seriously an easy chicken to dislike. However, now she has henchmen. The other seven are like her thug bodyguards, doing her bidding. 

Yesterday, I went into the coop to gather the eggs. Fuzzy and Mavis, my black cochin cross hens, continue to be broody. Fuzz simply fusses, but never pecks when I take her eggs out from under her. Mavis makes half-hearted attempts to peck me, but she isn't really mean about it. However, three of the seven white hags are also broody. They lay in the top-tier nesting boxes looking surly and threatening. I don't even like to look at them. I gather the unattended eggs first. Then, I gather the eggs Fuzzy and Mavis have under them. They like to confiscate everyone else's eggs and sit on them, as well as their own. Lastly, I save the most unpleasant task for the end: gathering eggs from the white coven. I start with Regina because she only pecks me on the hand. Then, I move on to Ursala, she pecks like she is out for blood and jumps at my face. Lastly, there is Clarinda, the Godmother of the Chicken Mafia.

 Before I even put my hand in the nesting box, she puffs up her feathers to look bigger and more intimidating, and she lets out a scary, threatening chicken noise. If a chicken can growl, Clarinda can do it. Then, she pecks like she's driving nails into a board. She's so fast, I don't even get an "Ouch!" out before she has nailed me again. I grabbed her by the head and held her so she couldn't peck me. I am not rough with her. I am not gentle either, but it is not my intention to hurt her. Then, she flapped her wings and threw dust everywhere, but especially in my face. I really hate that chicken. Finally, I just picked her up despite the pecking and set her on the ground. Well, she made this horrible fuss, did her scary chicken-growl thing, and then, dear reader, Ursula leaped from the ground onto my back and flogged my head! I know Clarinda gave the order for the hit; that is what the scary chicken growl was all about. Ursula then landed on the top of the nesting box, which is eye level with me, and proceeded to peck me on the head. I wacked her with my hand, knocking her to the ground. She made one more threatening jump at my legs, then took off squawking in anger. 

I told Eric, I am over the white mafia. Those hags have to go. I don't care that they are the best layers in the coop. I don't care that they successfully hatch chicks. Oh, and do you know that if they hatch black chicks, they peck them to death? Yeah, they only let the yellow chicks live. Probably because the black chicks would be nice like Fuzzy and Mavis. They only want to expand their mob family. So, dear reader, if you are looking for egg-laying hens who have no respect for authority or decency, I have the chickens for you. I have seven of these hags, and I am willing to let them all go. Flogging my head was the last straw. It's time Clarinda finds a new water bowl to poop in and new hands to peck. 

On this sunny summer's day, stay safe, be smart, don't peck the hand that feeds, know when enough is enough, don't get bullied by a chicken, and keep washing your hands.