Things To Come

The Bean recently attended an amazing church camp in North Carolina. Two factors had my darling girl facing the week with trepidation, and the first was the strictly enforced modest dress code. She was required to wear knee-length shorts, not show her shoulders or any other part of her body, and to wear black shorts and a t-shirt over her one-piece swimsuit. Try convincing an already self-conscious and socially awkward teenage girl that the dress code should not be a concern because everyone would be wearing the same unfashionable choices. She informed me that her shopping goal to prepare for camp was simply to embrace Adam Sandler's style. Her dad spent several weeks cracking jokes and making references to the movie The Water Boy.  

Her other concern was that she was not permitted any access to the outside world. There were no phones, no smart watches, no social media, and no music. For a girl who is admittedly addicted to her phone, this was a very big deal. We had one full week without contact. Let me tell you, dear reader, this was more of a shock to my system than I anticipated. Not only was it a shock to my system not having her with me for a week, but the no-contact thing was over the top for me. Sigh.

I told The Bean for months that she needed to treat this as a dry run for college. Little did I know that it would also be a sampling of what is to come for me. If I'm being completely transparent, I hated it. I am so pathetic that I texted her the highlights of my day before bed because I missed our before-bed talks. Every night before bed, she crawls into my bed, and we discuss whatever, it could be world events, the latest teen crisis, business ideas, or simply whatever is going on in our lives. Now, I knew she was not going to get my texts, but it gave me some comfort to message her as if she were. I am pathetic. 

Before she left for camp, I wrote her six notes, one for each night she would be away. I knew she was nervous about being so far from home with no contact, and I wanted to offer her a little comfort and encouragement each night before she lay her head down. It also gave me comfort to know that she had a little message from me before bed. 

The Bean shared that she allowed her bunkmates to read my bedtime notes and that my notes moved some of the girls to tears. She said they could not believe how much I love her, that she is so blessed to have a mom who cares so much. She also informed me that she spent quite a bit of time convincing some of the girls that their moms loved them too, even if they didn't get notes... this made me giggle. One young lady announced forlornly that her mom simply gave her a hug and told her to behave. Jordan's response was, " Your mom loves you, too." The girl said, "Yeah, she does, but a note would be nice." Now I feel kind of bad. However, what moved me to tears was that my girl took the time and responded to each of my notes. They were just the highlights of her day, but she wanted to make sure she didn't forget anything to tell me. She said writing the notes made her feel closer to me. I love that kid. 

When she returned home on Saturday, we were both ecstatic and relieved that she was home and safe. Not that I worried about her safety and well-being, honestly, I did not. I simply missed my kid. We spent the entire night talking about her experience. I am thrilled to share that she loved the camp experience. She shared that the chapel, the part of the camp she had dreaded, was actually her favorite, largely due to the youth minister, Curtis Skelly.  She spent the majority of the ride home from the church telling us animated stories about Pastor Skelly and how his messages resonated with her. I could not have been happier. 

Before camp, my girl was struggling with her relationship with God because of my dear friend, Monica's passing. I know what it is like to feel like your prayers fall on deaf ears, that you are simply crying into a great void. I understand being angry over the loss of someone you love. I get the overwhelming feeling of your first bout with grief. I also understand being angry at our creator for not answering truly heartfelt prayers. Sigh. I just didn't know how to guide my girl through it all. Being angry at God would be the last thing her "Aunt Monica," as she insisted Jordan call her, would want for my girl. 

Last night, as she shared that she has listened to Pastor Skelly's podcast and done not one but two Bible studies. I asked her if she and God were cool now. She answered with confidence, "Yeah. Yeah, we are." My cup runneth over, dear reader. The week was a rough one, but the outcome is so worth the struggle. Honestly, it was more than I could have asked for. Knowing that my girl is cool with her creator, has found some peace, has a new outlook on faith, and a stronger belief in God is an answered prayer. 

Now, looking ahead to her going away to college, yeah, I'm going to need lots of prayers. I think we can all agree this is going to be harder on me than I anticipate. However, knowing that my girl has a solid foundation, a strong belief, and love in her heart brings me a bit more comfort. I trust her path. It's just going to be getting used to her being away. Granted, it's not like we won't have contact. However, it's going to be a major shock to this mama's system when my beloved little bird flies the nest. Sigh. I have a year before I have to think about that. 

For now, I am appreciating each day with her, focusing on creating memories and storing up all the bedtime talks, hugs, and conversations until it's time for her to make her way in the world without me. On this beautiful June day, stay safe, be smart, enjoy your time with those you love, trust in the journey, and keep washing your hands.