Tough Topic Thursday

I've decided, dear reader, that for the holiday season, I am going to share tough topics. The holiday season can be hard for many people. It's not a joyous, magical, love-filled occasion for everyone. More often than not, the holiday season is a time filled with love, happiness, and family, as well as loss, hardship, sadness, and even depression. 

I am blessed to have my little family, who all work to make the holidays memorable for me. I am blessed to have the opportunity to create a magical holiday for those I love. I am blessed to be surrounded by people whom I love and who love me. However, there is also that element of sadness mixed in with the blessings. There is loss as well as fulfillment. There is that ugly voice that sneaks into my head and tells me I am unlovable, an imposter, and that eventually, those who love me now will leave, just like everyone else. Those dark conversations we have in our own heads, and the thoughts we plant, are authentic and hurtful. Those voices can become louder during the holidays. 

Yes, I have my bib overall wearing wonder buns, who is my greatest supporter. He is the only person who has made me feel genuinely loved despite all my shortcomings. Yes, I have the gift of my darling girl, who makes my heart overflow with love. I have a small circle of friends who are family and who love me. I know all this, and I am grateful for all. However, there is also the reality that I have close family who haven't spoken to me in nearly a decade. A family that chose to "cut all ties" when I tried to set boundaries. It hurts to no end to know it was easier to walk away from me than to try to establish a healthy relationship. It makes me feel like I am not worth fighting for. The pain that I shared with them in an effort to make things better was swept aside and marginalized. That hurts. 

During the holidays, I make every effort to be more gentle with people. If someone is angry, rude, cold, or abrupt, it might not be that they are A-holes. They might just be listening to those ugly little voices that creep into our thoughts and cause pain. Sometimes, a brief smile, holding a door, letting someone out in traffic, or offering a random but genuine compliment is enough to quiet those ugly voices for a bit. Sometimes, a bit of kindness is all that is needed to quell the thoughts of inadequacy. A text of, "Hey! I'm thinking about you. How's it going?" is enough connection to make us hold on tighter for a little longer. Don't underestimate the power of kindness. 

Historically, winter has been a time of darkness, death, ghosts, and restless spirits. Folk songs are filled with darkness and forboding. Loss was prevalent due to illness and cold. Life in general is more difficult in winter because we have to fight the elements. No, winter is not all parties, pine boughs, and warm, cozy thoughts. The long nights permit those unkind voices in our heads to chatter away at will. The darkness welcomes the ghosts of our past to revisit—the cold seeps into our bones and chills our spirits. 

My unsolicited advice is to be mindful this time of year and in the upcoming months. Not everyone has a vast family that welcomes them with open arms. Many of us are haunted by our own thoughts and pain. Yes, blessings abound, but there is also pain. Be kind. Be gentle. Be a light when you can, and take a light when you need it. Perhaps reconnect with a trusted therapist. Stay busy to quell the dark thoughts. Read or practice a hobby to keep your mind busy. When dark thoughts wiggle their way in, counteract them by counting your blessings. It sounds childish, but it works. Make a running list in your head of all the people, things, and situations you are grateful for, and mull those over for a bit. It's better than focusing on pain and loss. 

Sometimes, the holidays feel like driving through a snowstorm on a dark winter night. The way our headlights reflect off the falling snow makes it feel like an endless tunnel of cold and dark. Be aware of those whose lives aren't filled with extensive family, who may sit alone without a tree or a meal, who have no presents to open, and with no one to laugh. Make every effort to be a little more gentle, a little more patient, and a little more forgiving of minor transgressions. One never knows what others are going through. 

On this chilly November day, stay safe, be smart, be kind and gentle, and keep washing your hands.