As you may know from reading previous blogs, I am a self-proclaimed control freak. This virus thing has taken a toll on my confidence and well-being. When I contemplate the future, I do feel a certain amount of anxiety be it rational or not. Rather than expend my energies on worrying, sleeplessness, and anxiety, I decided to create a list of what I am most concerned about and how I can try to remedy these concerns. I am an avid list maker; I think it goes along with the territory of being said control freak. I was able to generate a list of five things I could do to help ease my concerns. The list is as follows:
1. Research cyber school options in Pennsylvania and complete the application process sooner than later. I am hugely concerned for Jordan’s education. She is a very bright, inquisitive, and hard-working young lady and I want to ensure she has every opportunity available to succeed. After watching the news, talking to parents, and considering options that may or may not be available, I think it is prudent to be proactive rather than reactive. I intend to spend part of my weekend researching cyber options, making a decision, and applying on Monday. If her school is able to operate under some semblance of normalcy, we will adjust our plan accordingly. This, I can control. Jordan acts as if she is disjointed but I think she too is secretly relieved we have a plan of action.
2. Planting a garden. I am not an avid gardener, if I give the proper focus and attention, I can keep things alive, perhaps even thriving. I however, hate weeding, hate bugs, and truthfully don’t really enjoy being in the sun BUT I am sure I can put all my aversions aside and raise fresh food for my family. Honestly, all I really have to do is leave the plants to The Bibbed Wonder and accept direction…this can be a challenge at times. This too, I can control…mostly. There is always that act of God thing that readily applies to farming.
3. Ensue practices of home canning. Although I do not particularly enjoy gardening, I do enjoy the process of home canning. This too is an activity I have let go by the wayside in pursuit of other interests…mainly soap. However, I assessed my use of pantry staples and many I can readily prepare myself. Last weekend, Jordan and I picked wild violets and made violet jelly. We genuinely enjoyed our time together, collaborating on a ghost story… (insider info. she has my macabre interest in Poe, Jackson, and King) we tried something new, and Jordan added one more skill to her skill set. Today, we will be making and canning chicken stock. I think if I can break it down into a few recipes a weekend, we will be prepared for some time to come. This I can control and enjoy…win, win situation.
4. I am going to try to put the energy I have been wasting on worry and what ifs into more positive activities. The amount of energy I expend on worry and concern for the unknown would be better served going into service projects, the business, and creative ideas for the business. I love what I do, I need to focus my energy on what I love. Along with that, I am going to try to sprinkle in more time for what I enjoy and self-care. I have several home projects I have been prepared for but have procrastinated beginning because I don’t have the time. It’s time to make time for things that make us happy, content, and challenged. I’ve got this…mostly…with the help of my handy-dandy Bibbed Wonder…he will be thrilled!
5. Taking back control of my hair. Is this shallow and superficial, perhaps but it’s a valid concern every time I look in the mirror. My natural hair color is very dark brown with just a hint of auburn. I have been blonde for several years because I have been fighting age and gray hair. I have never felt like a blonde, nor do I think I look particularly good as a blonde but it secured me a few more weeks of not having to dump chemicals on my head. I also feel like I am not leading by example with all my talk of our skin being our largest organ and our bodies taking mere seconds to absorb whatever we put on our skin. My bad-ass stylist, Mandi, came down and we spent an afternoon in the sunshine, wearing masks, and ridding my hair of the brassy blonde that has developed over the course of self-imposed quarantine. I am now my natural color with my natural silver and some silver highlights to blend. Mandi assures me I am finished with color and may have to use a toner to brighten my white every once in a while. Good-bye brassy gold hair and hello a more natural, if somewhat older looking me. At least I feel like me again…I wish I looked like a twenty-year old me but I work with what I’ve got. I too can control this…it’s just accepting the fact that I am silver and Eric thinks he is funny making reference to the dignified silver backed ape or the less dignified old gray mare. He seriously makes me contemplate minor acts of violence. One good throat punch would silence that noise maker of his if only for an hour or so…. again, quarantine fantasies…sigh.
I am sure, there are greater areas of concern one could focus upon. However, I am not a scientist, a world leader, and I have fortunately been kept safe from the virus. I am an over thinking control freak who worries about her daughter and loved ones. These are all things I can take back control and give myself a small sense of peace. I hope you spend your weekend taking back your peace in whatever form that looks like. As always stay safe, stay smart, include taking back control of your peace of mind, and keep washing your hands…you can control that too.