Lately, I've been grappling with my belief system and the foundation of the belief system that I have spent a lifetime building for myself. I firmly believe that every situation offers us an opportunity to grow, to improve, to change for the better. I believe kindness overpowers cruelty, that second chances are a must, that generosity is strength, that being a "good" person is the ultimate goal. My foundation has been shaken to its very core and I don't know how to handle this.
My husband and I try to walk the walk without talking the talk....if that makes sense. We try to live our beliefs. We believe it is important to help others as much as possible, in a way that helps them to stand on their own two feet. The give a man a fish and he eats for a day, teach the man to fish and he eats for a lifetime...kind of approach. We have encountered a situation that hits very close to our hearts and home. What do you do when that person you have poured yourself into, given every ounce of your time, energy, attention, love and resources does not want to be the proverbial fisherman? What do you do when everything you believe to be good, just, and right has failed you... miserably, heartbreakingly failed you?
Any lesson that I can glean from this situation right now, offers me nothing positive. I've circled the wagons, put up the fences and reinforced the walls of my heart and those I hold most dear. I've gone into, "Don't mess with me or my family mode." However, this is not the person I want to become, let alone be for the rest of my life. I don't want to stop seeing the good in others and assume everyone is a potential threat. I don't want to believe that there are just some people who suck at life. I don't want to believe that kindness is weakness. I'm sorry to say dear reader, this is where I am at right now.
I consider myself blessed beyond belief but when it rains, it's a damn hurricane...category 5, destroy my world kind of hurricane. I know we will weather this storm and a very wise friend has told me that sometimes lessons aren't clear until years later. I know we will be okay. If you believe in a higher power, I ask that you send some good thoughts our way. If you have any insight, please don't be afraid to share. I appreciate the kindness in the world. Now more than ever, goodness shines bright and makes itself known to me. Be a beacon of light and hope in this world.
