Darks and Brights
My little bean stated the other day that she has noticed, especially recently, that no day is a good day the whole way through. I asked her to further explain her thoughts. Her response saddened me at first, but then it definitely made me think. She responded that either her morning is good and her afternoon/evening goes wrong or her morning is bad and she has a good rest of the day but no day is good from beginning to end on a regular basis. The mama bear in me arose and I wanted to know what was making her feel like her days aren’t good. (Insider information, I feel like Jordan should only have good days because in my opinion, she’s had her fair share of bad days.) She informed me the culprit is usually having to shower, brush her teeth, not wear 50 million outfits in one day, having to eat healthy, having to do school work, having to read, having limited iPod time, having to do things she just doesn’t feel like doing, etc. etc. Now, it is my turn for an exasperated eye roll and an overburdened sigh. I tried not to laugh and my first thought was, Ha, welcome to life kiddo! However, I refrained, mostly. We then discussed why she considers these things to be “bad.” Her response was, because I don’t want to do them. I told her the things she hates doing are all things that are good for her general well-being. It would be easier for me to allow her to be a feral child who didn’t bathe, practice oral hygiene, ate peanut butter cups for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, not educate her, and permit her to watch Tic Toc videos and Weird Al videos all day but what kind of mom would I be. She initially said I would be cool. I gave her the raised eyebrow. She said, okay, it would make you a bad mom.
We then discussed the fact that doing things we don’t want to do but have to do aren’t bad. It’s just part of growing up, being responsible and knowing that the need outweighs the want. That’s a lot for an eleven-year-old to process. So, we looked at my day as an example. We listed my “chore” list and looked at the outcome if I were to put my wants over my needs. Things would be a bit rough for everyone and everything involved if that were to happen. Being the sensitive little bean, she is, she said, “You should have a day once in awhile when you get to act like a kid.” Initially, we giggled over me sleeping late, eating Cadbury Eggs for breakfast, watching “my shows” all day long, not brushing my teeth, not showering, playing dress up, eating lunch in my wedding dress, and sticking my finger under Eric’s nose asking him what I scratched last. Then it hit me, I like what I “have” to do. I love being a mom, even a naggy mom. I love taking care of my critters. I love making soap. I love connecting with people I would not have otherwise met if I hadn’t started making soap. My reality is, adulting for me is fun.
Even better, my daughter sees that I love what I do. She witnesses daily the choices I make, the duties I “have” to perform, the attitude I demonstrate, and the lifestyle I choose to live. Jordan feels like she has options too. What a wonderful power for a child to realize. I don’t ever want my daughter to feel stuck. We discuss how people are only stuck if they fail to recognize their options. Our choices are not always easy but if we truly examine our lives, they are indeed filled with options. Not every day is going to be good from beginning to end. In fact, most days will be filled with ups and downs, bright spots and dark clouds, but we can choose to focus on the downs and darks or be lifted by the ups and brights. I hope you feel your days have more ups and brights. Stay safe, stay smart, stay positive, and wash your hands.