Goals for 2024: Embracing Your Inner Goat

Welcome to 2024, dear reader. This is my first blog post of the new year, and I would love to dazzle you with my wit, humor, and tongue-in-cheek approach to life. However, I am recovering from the new year. Because I was a wild party animal who took too much libation on New Year’s Eve? No, because I am old and can’t handle staying up past 9:30. Seriously, staying up late is no longer an option. If I don’t have a solid eight hours of sleep beginning at 8:30, I feel like I have been rung through the wringer…for days.

We had a bustling social calendar this holiday season. Allow me to clarify: We had a busy social calendar for us. I am quite serious when I say we never have anything to do or anywhere to go. In December, we had at least one social activity per week…sometimes three. My little brain feels ready to explode from so much social interaction. This exorbitant amount of social interaction taught me several things about myself. I consider some of them not good.

First, I would like to expand upon my lack of social interaction; I feel like my social game is off, like way off. I have always considered myself to be slightly socially awkward. I never feel comfortable in a crowd of strangers. I usually find one person I consider my lifeline and hang on to them for dear life. This behavior became glaringly apparent over the holiday social season. At several gatherings, I felt like a social iceberg floating around, isolated, alone, and feeling a bit frosty. It’s not that I don’t enjoy people or conversation; I feel awkwardly uncomfortable around people I don’t know well. My introverted self would rather hang back on the sidelines than jump into a sea of people I don’t feel comfortable with or know well. It’s kind of embarrassing to be fifty-one years old and feel like an awkward teenager. Sigh.

I have also discovered that I don’t have it in me to play the social game. Sitting quietly listening to conversations, I felt exhausted and agitated. I listened to a blatant game of keeping up with the Joneses at one gathering, and I thought, why? Why are people so “people-y?” Why are you competing with someone you haven’t seen in a lifetime over schools your child might attend, what car you drive, what high-powered position you hold, or how much you pay for yard work? Why do you have to drop it into the conversation that you had to take your car to the BMW garage? Isn’t saying your car is in the shop enough information? I found the name-dropping, the sliding shallow details to make yourself sound important into innocent conversation, exhausting and annoying. I found myself wandering off and disconnecting a lot. I can’t blow my own horn and word things to make myself sound important to make someone else feel…impressed, intimidated, or inferior. I’m not sure what the goal is with this behavior. I’m not impressed with mountain homes, expensive cars, private schools, or who one knows. Talk to me about what inspires you. Tell me about your kids, how awesome they are, and what you love about being their parent. Tell me about what makes you get out of bed every day. Share your dreams and what you want to be when you grow up…even if you’re eighty. Just be real. Real impresses me.

I have also found that with a lot of social interaction, I require a lot of quiet time to recover from said social interaction. I need a few days to read quietly, limit my conversations, and do things that bring me satisfaction and fulfillment. The dog and I go on longer walks in silence. I turn off the sound on my phone. I go to a room and sit and read quietly with no one around. My little brain feels hot and on fire from too much stimulation. My mood is agitated and impatient. I can’t tolerate “useless noise.” I need peace, quiet, and solace from days filled with people.

This makes me think that I do, indeed, have some social disorder. Perhaps people aren’t really “people-y”; they’re just people, and I am the issue. Perhaps I am not “people-y” enough. All things considered, my world is very small. I have a limited circle I open myself up to and welcome into my world. I protect and appreciate my privacy and peace. I have no time for drama, chaos, or nonsense. I have always been observant, which has often been interpreted as aloof, unfriendly, or snotty. Most of my friends agree that I come off as stand-offish until one gets to know me well. Perhaps I am the problem?

I don’t see 2024 as being the year I will work on being more “people-y.” I see 2024 as being the year I will work on being more humble, kinder, more giving, less judgmental, more focused, more grateful, more appreciative, more present, and more real. This is the year I will work on showing those I care for how much I appreciate them and all they bring to my world. If anything, I will probably continue to regress in my social conduct and be more protective of my peace. If this continues, I am well on my way to becoming a hermit or perhaps an eccentric recluse.

There is a meme on Facebook that I often see, and each time, it makes me giggle because it is exactly how my brain works. You have probably seen it too, dear reader. It reads something like Me: doing housework. My brain: There are castles for sale in Europe. Buy one. Move there and don’t tell anyone. Live alone in your castle with a pet raven and become a local legend small children fear. It’s not precisely correct, but you get the gist. This sums up my train of thought perfectly. Winter is the exception. In the winter, change Europe to any tropical paradise.

The fact of the matter is I find that I enjoy my isolated life, my goats, and my other animals more than I enjoy most people. Goats aren’t “people-y.” I like that about them. They are quiet, sweet, loving, non-judgmental and calm. I spend time with the girls and feel rejuvenated instead of exhausted. I feel fulfilled rather than drained when I hang out with the girls. Perhaps people should take lessons from goats. Take a play from Red’s playbook if someone gets on your nerves. Bite them on the ear, make a loud, scary noise, and walk away. None of the other girls bother Red after she has bitten them on the ear. If one wants to impress someone else, head butt them. Demonstrate your dominance with a solid knock to the head and be done with it. If someone sits beside you, lay your head on their lap and just be, or maybe nap. I like it when my girls sit with me in the pasture field and don’t make useless noises or try to impress. They are content just to be. I find that refreshing.

Perhaps 2024 will be the year I embrace my inner goat. If so, The Bibbed Wonder and The Bean will have no ears left and lumpy skulls. I need to work on making deep, loud, intimidating noises. Right now, The Bean and The Bibbed Wonder giggle when I am angry and tell me it is hard to take me seriously when I sound like an angry chipmunk. Sigh. Yes, I can see myself embracing head-butting. On this overcast third day of January, stay safe, be smart, embrace your inner goat, be less people-y, and keep washing your hands.