As my journey for a more healthy lifestyle continues, I find myself feeling frustrated and a bit stuck. Changing one's habits long-term is challenging. Currently, I am down 10-12 lbs. depending on the day and the scale. At least I am now in the double-digit range of weight loss. However, it has taken forever to get here, and I find that frustrating. I have made changes and am sticking to these changes, but it's not a lot of fun. For example, I am drinking black coffee. I don't like black coffee, and it makes me sad and cranky. Also, I am eating a lot of greens. I no longer focus on just spinach. I have branched out to kale, arugula, and bok choy. I miss potatoes and red meat. I eat a lot of chicken, egg whites, and I try to incorporate veggies, but it's difficult when one doesn't like or eat veggies. Sigh.
I felt pretty happy about the lack of swinging fat on my arms when I wave to someone. I was thinking all these push-ups, weight lifting, and dietary changes were finally paying off. That was until I saw a picture of myself with Eric at the Saturday market. I still have big trucker arms if the camera doesn't lie. That's depressing. Sigh.
The last few weeks have been filled with what I can only assume are well-meaning, backhanded compliments. My mother-in-law, whom I adore, informed me my butt looks smaller. Ummm, thank you...I think. Also, my darling little bean walked up to me, patted my boobs with both her hands, and informed me my boobs do indeed look bigger than my stomach. Umm, get away from me, kid, and stop patting my boobs. She then explained that it was meant to be a compliment and laughed hysterically, adding one last squeeze to my now indignant breasts. My child has issues with personal space. Sigh.
Thank goodness The Bibbed Wonder has the common sense to keep his mouth shut for once. He never says a word about anything, but I can only guess his thoughts. Although, he has voiced his weariness of hearing about food and points. I have stopped announcing how many points each food I have consumed has cost me. I suppose, when one isn't obsessed with calories and points, it is a rather dull and tiresome topic. However, when he imitates me in a high-pitched mocking voice, I want to stab him with my fork. I continue to have inappropriate fantasies.
While on the topic of inappropriate fantasies, I still wish great harm to come to Autumn, the super svelte workout instructor. Between her super svelte form, her long ponytail, and her super peppy attitude, she continues to make me want to kick her...or pinch her muscled arm...or pull her ponytail. Her workouts make me hate her and live in awe of her at the same time. She's still annoying and the focus of my irritation. However, her workouts do get results.
Last on my list of first-world complaints is my hair. I have now reached that awkward dutch boy stage where it is too short to do anything with and too long to be a cute short cut. I look like a chubby, middle-aged lady with bad hair. Sigh. That description is painfully accurate. However, good things are happening. My blood pressure is lowering with the change of diet and weight loss. I no longer hear that whooshing sound in my ears. That is a definite win. I can now bend over and not feel like I am going to pass out, score. Also, I am no longer doing the out-of-shape girl modifications in the workouts. I can hold a plank, do a push-up, and do a mountain climber without feeling like I need an ambulance. All are definite wins.
Those are all good things, and I have four more months to reach my weight loss goal and get off all cardiovascular medication. It feels daunting right now, and thinking about continuing this for the long haul feels kind of heavy. However, it is far less daunting than the alternative of living on meds and feeling poorly. It is a journey filled with ups and downs. I wish I were more like 20 lbs lighter with super svelte arms and a tight butt. However, my butt looking smaller and my boobs looking bigger than my stomach are actual wins, right? Insert a long exaggerated sigh and add an eye roll.
I hope you can chuckle at my painfully honest account of changing to a healthier lifestyle. As always, stay safe, be smart, don't act upon your inappropriate fantasies, take the back-handed compliment as a win, and keep washing those hands.