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  • Writer's pictureTina

It's Not Poor Ashely Daugherty's Fault

I could move my goats here and make soap in paradise!

Just as I sat contemplating decorating my porch for spring while watching the robins flit about in the trees outside my window, BAM! Ashley Daugherty, the meteorologist from Action 4 News, informed the viewing audience that we are going to have 4-6 inches of snow on Saturday. That is nonsense! I am ready for sunshine, warmer temperatures, flowers, green grass, and leaves on the trees. Four to six inches of snow is more than I am mentally prepared to handle at this point. I feel like a disappointed child who had great plans only to have them ruined by the weather forecast. Actually, I feel like The Bean.

My Bean has a love/hate relationship with Ashley Daugherty. She admires her for her science background; it also helps that she’s on television; the Bean admires people who are on tv…insert an eye roll and a confused shoulder shrug. However, Ashely Daugherty has been the bane of my bean’s winter fun existence for years. My bean is a perfectionist; if you aren’t going to do something correctly and well, then you’d better get out of town because The Bean will call you out Every. Single. Time. Every time. Perhaps you remember, a few years ago, we were to get 12-14 inches of snow. The school was canceled in anticipation, salt was purchased, milk and bread were stocked, shovels, sleds, and snow gear were in place, and then Bom, Bom, Boooooooom! Nothing. Nary a snowflake fell from the sky. It was a complete letdown.

Being the perfectionist she is, the Bean was outraged that after such a monumental mistake, Ashely Daugherty continued to remain employed. GramBarb, who does not know how to use the word no when it comes to my child, was egging her on to write an email of complaint to poor Ashely Daugherty. Sigh. Sometimes, it’s so apparent where my husband’s behaviors come from and that they are inherent. However, I calmed that storm, turned off the Wi-Fi, and life went on as we know it. Ashley Daugherty remains employed, and she hasn’t suffered any other significant weather faux pas…until now.

Doesn’t Ashley Daugherty know I need to clean my chicken coop? Does she not understand I have adorable bunny decorations that are dying to be placed in cute vignettes on my porch? Can she not appreciate that I need to clean up the mess that Frau Berta, my bumble-footed chicken, has made on my porch? On a side note, put a babushka on this chicken, and she looks like an angry old lady from the 1940s…it’s uncanny. If that chicken could run a broom, she would be chasing me off the porch. Anyhow, I had outdoor plans. Sigh.

This dear reader is the weather in Pennsylvania. It will be sunny and sixty in the morning, raining, foggy with a twenty-degree drop in the afternoon, hurricane wind gusts overnight, and snow the next morning; just hit the repeat button until about June. Really, it’s a wonder Ashley Daugherty even stays in Pennsylvania. She could move to Hawaii and report Sunny and seventy-two degrees twelve months a year. She wouldn’t have to deal with outraged children, disgruntled farm wives, and angry babushka-wearing chickens. The Bibbed Wonder and I continue to look for a goat farm for sale in Hawaii. I could make soap in Hawaii and be quite happy about it. In the meantime, we will deal with Pennsylvania weather and continue to make poor Ashley Daugherty our scapegoat.

As always, dear reader, stay safe, be smart, try not to blame poor Ashely Daugherty for lousy weather, and keep washing your hands.

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