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  • Writer's pictureTina

Life According to The Bibbed Wonder

He said something wildly inappropriate during our family photoshoot. Hence, the laughter. Notice he is also wearing his "wedding, funeral, court" bib overalls.

Life with my husband is anything but dull. Although I admittedly find some of his behaviors annoying at best, the man is an endless source of humor and entertainment. I can honestly say my bib overall wearing mate makes me laugh out loud every single day. Whether it is his over-the-top impersonations, his quick wit, quicker tongue, or general silliness, I find him endlessly amusing. I have been subjected to philosophical quotes for almost twenty years now. I thought today would be a good day to share with you what I have to put up with on a daily basis.... I mean examples of my husband's humor and wit.

There is a heavy influence of Benjamin Franklin, Confucius, Abraham Lincoln, and Mr. Rogers in my bib wearing buddy's philosophical view. However, he is also uniquely original and dazzles me with his charms almost daily. Most of which I cannot share with you because they are not appropriate and should never be put in print, let alone published. My bean has learned from a very young age not to repeat anything her dad says, especially in public. Yes, life with The Bibbed Wonder is always interesting. Although I find him annoying on most days, his snippets of insight are often accurate and entertaining. Please allow me to share what my darling refers to as "Bibbism," not to be confused with Taoism.

First, allow us to visit his view on apparel. When we began dating, he would wear green cargo pants and a black sweater for every single date. I was thoroughly convinced he did not own another outfit. However, as time progressed, he began wearing what he calls his "wedding, funeral, court bib overalls." These are bib overalls that have not seen the inside of a barn or the seat of a tractor. For the first year or so of our marriage, I would fuss at him to dress "more appropriately" when we went to dinner, a movie, or a gathering. This was when I became aware of his tactic to mentally exhaust me and wear me down to the point that I gave up. You see, dear reader, I have more significant battles to fight with him than his apparel. That is also a tactic of war with The Bibbed Wonder. He will persistently wear you down until you can't stand him anymore, and you throw up your hands in frustrated surrender, or he will offer up something even more exasperating. Hence, the topic at hand seems irrelevant. However, I digress.

When I suggest The Bibbed Wonder wear something other than bibs, I am given the response, "Those that matter don't mind, and those that mind don't matter." Only The Bibbed Wonder can take a quote from a beloved childhood icon and use it for his own nefarious purposes. When he feels quite full of himself and a bit on the cocky side, he will use the phrase, "There are two types of men in this world. Those who wear bibs and those who wish they could wear bibs." This quote is often followed by a sexy kitten purr or a gigolo dance. Sigh.

Now, allow us to move on to social issues and my bibbed wonder's advice to our bean in regards to friendship and social interaction. Of course, The Bean has faced challenges with her peers and has had dilemmas regarding the social structure at school. She has even faced minor incidents of bullying. Eric's solid advice to The Bean when choosing friends or coming up against rivals is always, "You can't lay with pigs and not expect to eat trash." This is interpreted as being careful who you hang out with because your chosen crowd speaks to who you are as a person and that you can expect nothing good to come from this association. Another porcine favorite is, "You can't blame the pig for rooting up the yard." This is used to exemplify you cannot change one's nature or be surprised by one's behavior when considering one's background. Then there is also the witticism, "If you could buy him/her for what he/she is worth and sell him/her for what he/she thinks he/she is worth, you would have a fortune." This is used to describe someone who has an inflated ego. Lastly, there is the polite and school appropriate phrase used by our Amish friends and southern friends to tell someone to go to hell, " Well, bless your heart!" I cringe when I hear The Bean utter this phrase.

Lastly, I will share with you the everyday witticisms I must endure. These phrases are used on an almost daily basis and make me want to take mildly aggressive actions.

When I complain that he drives too slowly, there is always "Life is the journey, not the destination."

When I am enjoying a meal, and he wants to get back to work, "It's a meal, not a ceremony."

When I express a want or desire for something he does not agree with, "Want builds character."

When I desire a day of minimal activity, "It's best to make hay while the sun shines."

When I suggest going out to eat at a restaurant and not having take-out, "Years ago, people ate at home and went out to use the restroom. Now, people go out to eat and use the restroom in the house. This world is insane, and so are you!" Sigh.

When I have a new idea, he doesn't agree with or doesn't want to hear, "You know what you should do? Write that down, roll it up in a tiny ball and shove it up your a$$." Charming, isn't he?

Let us not forget the ever-so-annoying statement, " I like ice cream!" Usually spoken in the middle of a disagreement. This means I don't agree with you, I don't want to debate this, but we can both agree; I like ice cream. Long sigh...

Yes, life with The Bibbed Wonder is always interesting. Life according to The Bibbed Wonder, although often skewed is in the realm of accuracy. However, this makes it all the more annoying. He is definitely an original and I wouldn't change him for the world, bib overalls and all. As always, dear reader, stay safe, be smart, don't lay with pigs, and keep washing your hands.

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