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  • Writer's pictureTina

Man Blog of March

The Google Generation

There has been The Greatest Generation, Baby Boomers, Gen X, Gen Z, and whatever letter or name is currently trending. As long as any member of these generations is able to turn on a computer, they are all members of the Google Generation. No longer are people tasked with actually remembering any knowledge. Individuals are now free of having to learn through experience and life events. Any answer in the world is now at everyone's fingertips. The ability to seem like a highly respected expert on any subject is just a mere click and paste away.

Personally, I love the use of Google when newer appliances are flashing error codes. The short-lived cash cow of sending a tech out to work on a dishwasher that needed to have the buttons: rinse-rinse-power-sanitize-rinse-long power pushed to clear the error code is gone. If the first page that pops up doesn't work, jump to the next and repeat. In an instant, you are on top of the world. Problem with your vehicle? Type in the information and check for a recall. No recalls and want to start a platform to gripe about an issue? Google how to start an online group.

Knowledge is passed on without learning or understanding for the first time in history. The art of patching and MacGyver-style solutions that were thought-based has been replaced with life hacks and infomercials. The joy of figuring out that a small fishing boat with a couple of holes could be "fixed" with roofing nails, caulking, and vice grips has been replaced with life hacks. Now, not only do we have the urge to steal a screen from the window. We also can't resist making the screen the bottom of the boat and using wonder paint. The farmers' must-have, get by in a pinch of duct tape, twine, and wire, are soon to have gone the way of the dodo. Nothing has to be patched until the next trip to the dealership. Overnight shipping almost guarantees parts the next day. Online diagrams and discussions of similar problems guarantee success on the first attempt. Whatever happened to individual problem-solving skills? What has happened to being creative and thinking for oneself? Human brain power is on the decline.

The cut-and-paste, first-page result use of search engines never ceases to amaze me. There has become an almost unstoppable force at our house to know information irrelevant to our daily lives. Someone says, "What'chu talkin' 'bout?" it results in a quick search of Gary Coleman, focal segmental glomerulosclerosis, misdemeanor disorderly conduct, and Shannon Price. All of these are entirely forgotten before the phone screen is dark. Resulting in next month's discussion of, "Is Arnold Jackson still alive?" We now have the power to have all knowledge and answers at our fingertips without wasting brain space on memory or deep thought.

If the results are the same on the first page, we do not need to look any further for a solution. After all, if three wolves and a sheep can vote on what is to eat successfully for seventy-five percent of the survey sample, the majority rule is correct. The vote cast for grass is simply a conspiracy theory. After all, eating grass is only if dogs are sick and we feel fine. "Research shows" are my favorite quote that tips off the overuse and lack of understanding of a simple copy-and-paste expert. Did you do the research? Do you understand that Kent Cigarette quoted a study for asbestos filters? You are a regurgitator, not a researcher, until you wear a lab coat.

But there are some mighty fine Google searches out there. My personal favorite of all time is Randy Constant. Please take the time to search, Randy Constant. I cannot wait to tell people to Google Randy Constant and explore his life's work whenever the organic phrase is spewed. The Google search details the money Randy made, the years of meaningless fines, and his death but avoids how many similar schemes are estimated to be currently active. Forget about any current solutions to prevent or detect future repeats—please humor me by copying and pasting page three of google in the responses to prove me wrong. Please don't change the wording so I can copy and paste to see where your wealth of knowledge has come from.

Google has brought everyone together in the same agreeable infinite knowledge and chaos. For example, the virus started when a bat and a snake made a love baby that was BBQed at an open market with extra Sweet Baby Ray's Barbeque Sauce. That is common knowledge, and any question is a conspiracy theory. Now the story has changed. There is a possibility that the virus could have possibly escaped from a lab that researches that particular virus next to the open-air market, with stringent Chinese safety measures. Personally, I have no idea and don't pretend to. The fact that there is enough information to start some fantastic conspiracy theories and the higher-level thinking that has devolved from our brains makes it a perfect setup.

I want to share some of my most recent theories that I have entire backing for and don't take seriously. A few minutes on Google will likely support my made-up nonsense. The mysterious dust keeps landing throughout Appalachia. Without a doubt, it is tied into the Chinese balloon. Why else would you let a balloon go if not to drop dust? According to Google, China has subsonic missiles. It would be a real cluster to spread dust out of rockets. A slow-moving high-altitude balloon would be perfect for spreading dust. The World War I relic of a balloon seems as unbelievable as bringing back horses to the battlefield. I have the exact result of said dust I am working on. More than likely, it damages brain power and is the reason for my delayed connection. But you can bet they got surveillance of where to round up herds of wild horses for stage two, code name Genghis Khan.

Theory two. Turning everyone against a different age group, "ageist," if you will. The seeds are planted now with constant gripes about Boomers buying houses for peanuts and living while everything was at a discount, never mind the pay rate being peanuts. Younger folks refuse to move out of their parent's basement because housing is expensive. I have read that custom dog food/raw dog food is growing in popularity due to younger folks getting pets that are, living creatures that deserve the best, not just filler. Our living creatures here at the farm cannot wait to find a dead critter or a gut pile in the woods to gorge themselves on. Best to make sure they don't get anything less than fillet mignon in their bowls. What is the reason for encouraging the division? Impending snow march. That's right. We will solve the debt problem by rounding up the old and having a marathon until they drop. Social Security has been saved. I'm talented at creating nonsense.

In the era of participation trophies, the Internet has us all covered. Whatever X-File-based theme you can dream up, there are pages of experts that will back you up. Need a great cause to jump on a soap box and cry? We are all just one click away. My personal favorite is rescuing dogs headed for meat in Korea. Would I like to be a meat dog in Korea that has been saved? Absolutely. Would I want to be without a meal starving in Korea? Big no on that one. I often wonder if the dogs are just stolen or bargained away with a trade of beef or pork. Maybe the Koreans are doing their rescue missions and demanding the cows be brought in alive to go to waiting families. Then they can gloat over saving the cows from savage Americans.

Until next month I am sure the truth is out there. Whatever version works for you is out there as well. Stay safe and wash on.

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