Some Form of Happily Ever After...
Like many, I am fascinated with the British Royals. I have been glued to the television when any news comes on about the "Harry and Megan" fallout. Besides my fascination with royal life, both modern and historical, I am also intrigued by the human condition. I find it so interesting and disheartening that, like any other family, their life is fraught with family drama, painful relationships, and dysfunction. The face they put on for the world is one of serene perfection. However, in truth, they are, like many of us, functioning dysfunctional.
I long for a supportive, loving family who lifts me up, has my back, and stands with me in times of distress. Sometimes, what we dream of and what we have do not coincide. It has taken a bit, but I am finally at peace with less than desirable relationships. Sometimes, one has to look at the bigger picture to decide what is best and healthy for all involved. Sadly, sometimes stepping away from a relationship is the only answer for one's desired outcome. One has to understand that this is okay. I struggled for years feeling like I quit, I failed, it was my fault, and I am lacking. However, once some time, space, and healing have occurred, one sees the whole picture a bit more clearly and can find peace.
Hard lessons I have learned are; first, people can only be helped if they desire help. The truth is, not everyone wants help. Some people find it more comfortable to stay in the negative space they are in than move out of their comfort zone, begin the healing process, and change toxic behaviors. The adage, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink, is a scenario with which I am familiar. In my case, I watched the horse lay on the bank, convulse, spew out hatefulness, and prolong its death, kicking and screaming the entire time. It was painful to watch and even more painful to accept and walk away.
Secondly, those you love don't necessarily share your vision of how you want a relationship to look. It took me quite a while to accept the fact that the ideal I had for certain relationships were not shared goals of those I love. While I feel like I was coming from a good place with pure intentions, it was wrong of me to impose my ideals on these relationships. I was trying to force a square peg into a round hole, causing stress and unrealistic expectations. Accepting that a relationship was never going to be what I desired and craved was very difficult. However, once I accepted it, it became apparent what I could not accept for my life and my family. Sometimes, a relationship is present so one can learn what one does not want or will not accept rather than fulfilling what one needs and wants. Once this is accepted and understood, what one wants and needs can be fulfilled by others who are meant to bring this to one's life.
Lastly, accepting that everyone must walk their own path and deal with the repercussions of their own choices. I worked diligently for years to try to "head 'em off at the pass" before choices were made that would do irreparable damage. This will only work for so long, and then one must accept that even though those we love chose to take a path that is full of booby traps and landslides, it is ultimately their choice. Sometimes, offering unconditional love, acceptance, resources, and a helping hand simply will not work. Again, watching the outcome of this scenario play out was torturous. There were times I felt like I could not take it. However, once on the other side of it, it is clear it is simply how it has to be. Giving up control and allowing destiny or fate, or whatever one calls it, is a hard lesson in and of itself, but watching those you love self-destruct is debilitating. The only way to find peace is to accept that things were never in one's control. The control lies in the person and the powers that be.
There are aspects of the Harry and Megan story that are very relatable for me. It saddens me to know that even those who appear perfect and privileged deal with painful family situations and personal struggles. I wish the fairy tale were true for some of us, at least. However, I know that we have a strong influence in writing our own stories. I will choose to continue to try for that happy ending...so far, so good.
As always, dear reader, stay safe, stay smart, keep trying for your happy ending, and of course, wash your hands.