I have no life, dear reader. I mean, I literally never have any social commitments other than soap-related activities. One would think that with nothing on my social calendar, the universe would not conspire against me. But alas, it is clear that the universe does not want me to have a social life. Brace yourself for melodramatic lamenting, albeit humorous. Sigh.
Take, for example, Saturday, May 6th. Our Springtime at the Farm event is from 9-1. ALL my favorite people are going to be here, well, most of my favorite people. I look forward to our farm events and consider them the year’s highlight. I enjoy hosting my vendor friends, soap family, and everyone who takes the time to come out and support local small businesses. I love welcoming people to our farm. I was looking forward to putting Little Lester in a bow tie and having him make his social debut. And then, the universe got out its massive universe size fly swatter, and squashed that dream. SPLAT!
So what has happened to my dream, you ask? My overachieving kid, that’s what happened. The Bean is participating in track and field. The Bean reluctantly did track and field for her best friend, Raylee, aka Ray-Ray, Two Day Ray-Ray, Ray-Bug, and Ray of Golden Sun. Like all my favorites, Raylee gets a new nickname every week. The Bean did not want to participate in track and field. She had no aspirations to be good at track and field. She complains A LOT about participating in track and field. But what does she do? She does well-like really well in track and field. She does so well that she qualifies to attend championships in all three of her events. Guess when championships take place? Go on, guess. Yep, you guessed correctly, Saturday, May 6th. Sigh.
Curse my parenting skills for raising a motivated, competition-loving overachiever. I can’t even say that with a straight face. The Bean is innately an overachiever; it has nothing to do with me or my parenting skills. Frankly, I’m not sure how I got such a good kid. So guess what else? The Bibbed Wonder and I have decided to divide and conquer. However, dividing means I have to conquer track and field championships, and he gets to stay at the farm with all my favorite people and eat donuts, drink coffee, eat burgers, visit with my soap family and all my friends while I go and watch our child run in circles and jump into pits of sand. Sigh. I’m telling you, dear reader; it’s a conspiracy.
All jokes aside, I’m very proud of my kid. The Bean makes everything look effortless, and she mostly does it with a smile, a good attitude, and pizazz…mostly. I’m also thrilled to go and support her and watch her reap the rewards of hard work. However, I am also disappointed I won’t be able to attend our event. Like, maybe cry a little bit in the shower disappointed (I would never communicate that to my bean). Don’t worry; she doesn’t read my blog unless I read it aloud to her, and even then, I believe she only half listens. I love that she has put forth an effort and is seeing the rewards of said effort. I will make signs of support, paint my face green and gold, wear a Viking helmet, and chant, “Bean, Bean, Bean, Bean, Bean!” I jest; I mean, the thought of that and her wanting me to disappear from the face of the earth kind of makes me giggle inside, but I will probably sport a school-themed T-shirt and yell, “Go Jordan!” when she flys past me on the track. Again, like her father, she stifles my creativity. Sigh.
However, let us return to how the universe conspires against me. Not only do we have our farm event on Saturday, May 6th, and track and field championships, but we also have my dear friend’s surprise party that night. Seriously, what are the chances? I never have anything going on, ever, and on Saturday, we have three things all at once. I hope the track and field championship will be over by then. Have you ever attended a track and field competition? They last an eternity. A chaotic, I-can’t-keep-eyes-on-my-kid, every-girl-is-tall-and-thin-with-blond-hair-that-is-in-French-braids filled eternity. For real, I walk around in a cloud of confusion and try to keep Jordan in my sight, but every single girl looks the same. It’s exhausting and never-ending.
So that is my Saturday. However, the universe with its big dream squashing fly swatter has not stopped there, oh, no. On June 10th we have been invited to two weddings. Typically, we get invited to one wedding a year; this year, it’s two on the same day. Both couples are amazing. We adore both couples, and their weddings will be amazingly unique. Like, I don’t want to miss this because it will be EPIC! ( Say EPIIIIIIIIC in a sing-song Molly of Denali kind of voice). One wedding has a garden theme, and we must wear all-white garden attire. The reception will be held outdoors in a garden with live music and a theme. I love a theme! The other wedding reception will have drag queens! Drag Queens! Drag queens and dancing and a fantastic DJ. I want to wear all white and attend a garden-themed wedding with a farm-to-table dinner and garden-themed cocktails. However, I also want to drink adult beverages and dance with drag queens. Sigh. Life is so unfair; the stupid universe and its stupid fly swatter of dream squashing.
Why does that happen? My social calendar is mostly empty. I never have anything to do, and then BAM! All the cool things happen on the same day. I know all will be well. My social life, or lack thereof, is unimportant in the grand scheme. The positive spin is that we have unique events to attend, we’re lucky enough to have friends who invite us to their special days, my kid works hard, and it pays off, I have an amazing overachieving child to support, we have the ability to attend these special events, and we are blessed with goodness. Seriously, blessings rain down upon our heads. However, I can’t help but wish people would check my empty social calendar before planning their really cool events. Insert wink here. Sigh.
On this beautiful spring day, stay safe, be smart, don’t miss out on amazing people, be grateful for those amazing people, do your best, cheer on hard-working overachievers, and keep washing your hands.