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  • Writer's pictureTina

The Duck Version Of Bonnie and Clyde

Preach tormenting the baby ducks through the window

We have a situation here on the farm. We welcomed Mildred the duck to our farm several months ago. Mildred was the last survivor of her original crew and had taken up residence on our neighbor’s front porch. Because we have two large ponds on our property, we thought one little duck would not be an issue. Miss Mildred seems to like hanging out anywhere but the ponds. She is hanging out under our cars in the driveway, under the trees near the house, or near our front porch, and Mildred is not alone. Oh, no, she is not alone at all. Preach, the nomadic black duck with a white collar is almost constantly present here at the farm.

Preach, and Mildred have gone from adorable innocent outcasts to being the barnyard bullies. I am considering changing their names to Bonnie and Clyde. Seriously, they are that bad. This dynamic duck duo bullies everything with feathers. They chase the chickens away from the scratch and treats that I leave for them. If I leave the chicken coop doors open, they lay inside the coop, in front of the feeders, chasing everyone away. Mildred, little innocent Mildred, is the worst. She takes chase after Romeo the Rooster and sends him packing. The baby chicks I hatched in the incubator spend a lot of time under the chicken coop because nasty old Mildred and Preach torment them mercilessly. However, the real focus of this bullying duo is our baby ducks.

Our poor baby ducks get no peace. Preach, and Mildred are like a tag teaming duo in a Wrestle Mania ring. Mildred hangs out outside the temporary fence I have around the little green coop. Preach can fly, so he flies inside the fence and chases the poor little things until they are exhausted. If they try to run through the fence, Mildred is lying in wait, ready to attack when they inevitably get stuck in the fence. She’s a monster.

My friend, Jenna, got me little ducks so Mildred would have friends. Mildred has no interest in having friends. She is interested in totalitarian rule. She sits on her throne of thorns and reigns terror over anything smaller than her, along with her minion, Preach. Yesterday was the worst, and it was the final straw for me. I opened the fence so Gustav and the little ducks could roam. I thought the ducks would have to learn to get along; this nonsense would end eventually. I was sure Preach and Mildred would tire of their nasty little game, go back to the pond, and establish a truce. Oh, dear reader, was I ever wrong. Preach had chased my poor baby ducks all the way into the hay field behind the house. They were closer to the wooded tree line than not. The poor little things huddled in fear in the middle of this field and were, well, sitting ducks for any predator who flew or strolled by. This just wouldn’t do.

The Bean and I went out to save them. The Bean chased Preach and Mildred away from the little green coop, and I herded the baby ducks back to their coop. The poor little things were exhausted and frightened. Once they made it back to their coop, they got a drink and walked up their little ramp one by one to the safety of their coop. The Bean and I put the fence back in place, closed the coop door, and left them to relax. It wasn’t five minutes, and those nasty big ducks were hanging out outside the fence, quacking, and prowling. I decided to wage war on the bullies. I grabbed a yard rake because it was there and lightweight and chased this terrorizing duo all the way back to the pond. Mildred quacked loudly in protest. Her little legs were moving so fast she looked like one of those child’s toys that one pulls behind them on a string. Preach half waddled, half flew, and protested to no avail. As I chased them like an insane woman down the driveway, telling them they would know how it feels to be bullied by someone bigger than them and taking swipes at them with the rake while making growling sounds to scare them. I would have laughed at their fast and frantic waddle if I hadn’t been so irritated with them.

They made it back to the pond, onto the water, and I left them to quack and cower. I have no time for bullies, and I thought I had made my point until just moments later, they were again waddling back up the driveway in search of their targets to torment. Winded and sweating, I gave the rake to The Bean and told her to scare them away. She donned her rollerblades and chased them back down the driveway. Oh, to have the energy of youth and the balance to rollerblade. The Bean spent the evening chasing the evil duo with a yard rake and giving sharp, piercing war cries. It was quite entertaining.

Foolishly thinking Mildred and Preach had learned their lesson, I went to bed knowing my Gustav and the baby ducks were tucked safely into the green coop for the night. The Bibbed Wonder went out this morning to find Preach perched atop the roof to the laying boxes looking in the windows of the little green coop. He’s a bold and fastidious bully; I will give him that. The Bibbed Wonder chased him away and opened the coop door. I believe I will probably spend more time chasing away Mildred and Preach than doing anything else today. Preach and Mildred, aka Bonnie and Clyde, will meet the same demise as the human Bonnie and Clyde if they don’t get their behavior in check. I wish I were better with photoshop. I could really have some fun with this Bonnie and Clyde theme. Anyhow, that is the situation here on the farm. Totalitarian ducks are overrunning us. There just isn’t room for any more totalitarian rulers here. I plan to have a long and prosperous reign; get over yourself, Mildred!

On this lovely summer day, stay safe, be smart, who knew ducks were such jerks, and keep washing your hands.

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