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The Extra Horny Goat


Boo and her ear horn



With the coming of the new year, the cold temperatures have finally arrived as well. The past few days have been a real shock to the system, considering Christmas day was a lovely fifty degrees. Now that the temperature has finally dropped, hopefully, the flies will go back to hell where they came from…and the stink bugs. I have a genuine hatred for flies and stink bugs. Every fall, the stink bugs try to take up residence in my sun porch for the winter. I kid you not; I sweep up at least fifty stink bugs per day until the temperature finally falls. I believe they come down the chimney. Unlike Santa, they just bring their vile stench and put me in a bad mood. Once I light the fireplace, and it warms up out there, they will awaken and fly about to torment me. However, I digress.


Once the temperature dropped, The Bibbed Wonder was able to finally band my dear girl, Boo’s ear. If you remember, Boo is my girl who developed a subcutaneous horn on the tip of her ear. Earlier in the year, we had our annual herd check, and our veterinarian believed the horn to be a wacky cell reaction to mild trauma to the ear. The growth of the horn has really taken off, and my poor girl has been lugging this thing about for several months now. We could not band it, as the vet suggested, because of the filthy flies and their disease spreading yuck. Now that the flies have finally died, it was safe for us to band the horn.


Eric tried to use the bander, the instrument we use to band the little boys when it is time to neuter them. However, the base of the horn was too big, and he ended up rolling the band just past the base of the horn. My sweet Boo did a few minutes of head shaking but didn’t seem much bothered by the band after that. The band is doing the trick; by the next morning, the base of the horn felt soft and a bit squishy. It has been several days now, and the horn continues to soften and die. Hopefully, it won’t be long before it falls off, and my sweet girl will be free of that cumbersome growth.


Initially, I was worried about banding her ear. However, our veterinarian believes that would be the safest option for Boo. If he were to cut the horn off, he believes it would have just grown back. If he were to cut off the tip of her ear, he would have to use anesthesia, and goats don’t process anesthesia well. Banding her ear and removing the tip of her ear and the horn was the safest and best option. Now that it is done, we check her every day to make sure the rest of her ear is healthy, the band remains in place, and the horn is dying. So far, so good. The Bibbed Wonder and The Bean are hoping they are able to find the horn once it falls off. They are competing to come up with the most creative and gross option for what to do with the horn. To date, I believe they are planning a piece of jewelry for me. Sometimes, I forget how very lucky I am to have these two. Said with an eye roll and dripping with sarcasm. My hope is that the horn just disappears in the field like the little boys’ scrotums.


Although my Boo’s lovely long ear will be altered, she will be free of that horn that has quite a bit of weight to it at this point. We are grateful it is not cancerous and merely an inconvenience. Her shorter ear will only add character to her already sweet disposition. I am just happy she is healthy and well. I will be sure to keep you updated on her health, and please pray the two cheeky monkeys I live with don’t find that horn once it falls off. I can only imagine the shenanigans that will ensue. Sigh.


As always, dear reader, stay safe, be smart, don’t make jewelry from discarded growths, and keep washing your hands.


P.S. Eric came up with the title.


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