It has been some kind of week, dear reader. As always, with life, there are many ups and downs. This week, in particular, I have felt the shift, and it has left me feeling emotionally and mentally exhausted. This is my last post before we celebrate Mother's Day on Sunday. I want to take this opportunity to wish you all a peaceful, blessed day. Whether you are the matriarch of a large brood, a blessed mama of one, or a beloved mother figure or caregiver to someone who needs you, perhaps you are a loved and needed mama to fur babies; I wish you joy, peace, happiness, and fulfillment. You play an essential role to so many, and you are appreciated.
The challenges I faced this week were also on the motherhood front. I love being a mom. It is the best, most important, most fulfilling role I have ever taken on, and every minute is a gift. Many of you know our story. We were blessed to adopt our bean from birth. I was given the gift of being with her birth mother throughout the entire labor, and The Bibbed Wonder was given the gift of being there when our bean entered the world. It truly was the best day of my life.
We have always been very open about our story and how we became a family. I never wanted my bean to feel like she had a secret hanging over her head or that she had been lied to for years. Instead, we read books, told her story, talked openly about her birth mother, and also about our struggles to create a family. We have always discussed how blessed we are, what a gift Jordan is, how much we love and respect her birth mother, and how we were destined to be together. My bean began asking really tough questions at an early age. I thought we would have years before she asked tough questions, but we were having very adult conversations by age four. I am not one to sugarcoat things and have always been very real and truthful. This is our truth, and we share it.
On Tuesday, as we were driving to karate class, The Bean dropped a bomb. It began with, "Mommy, I am going to tell you something, and I know you are going to argue with me, but I am going to tell you anyhow." As I braced myself for what was to come next because when The Bean begins a conversation with a statement like this, it will be epic, I sat waiting; my mind was racing as to what she had to say. I was not prepared for this bombshell, and I never saw it coming. She stated in her matter-of-fact way in that sweet tiny voice, "You know, mom, all adopted kids are a mistake." Dear reader, I was flabbergasted. All this time, energy, and work we have put into creating a narrative of love, destiny, and blessings just went right out the window. I had to pull over. Once we were off the road, I turned around and looked at my beautiful, intelligent, analytical child and tearfully told her. " You, young lady, are no mistake. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, and you bring more love and light into this world than I could ever imagine. That is no mistake. Your birth situation may not have been ideal, but your birth mother was the needed vessel to get you to me. There was no mistake in that. You are mine, you were destined to be mine, and God saw to it that you got to me when you were ready. There are no mistakes in this universe, and don't you ever think that again." The Bean's response was, "Geez, mommy, calm down. I knew you would say something like that. You can look at it that way, but there is a part of the truth that is I was a mistake, and you know it...so do I."
Sigh, It has been an exhausting week. After I calmed down and reflected upon our conversation, I again sat my bean down to discuss this new theory. I told her I see and understand her perspective, but she has to look at the bigger picture. There were many choices made, a lot of scenarios could have played out, and we reviewed a lot of those scenarios, most of which were not pretty. But the fact is, The Bean is here, with me, and that is no mistake. I have been in love with this child since I first laid eyes on her birth mother's baby bump, and that is no mistake. She has overcome daunting odds and obstacles; that is no mistake. She chose me to be her mom; that could never, ever be a mistake. I reinforced my belief that God simply doesn't make mistakes.
We also discussed the importance of how self-talk can affect one's self-esteem, self-image, and ability to overcome challenges. No one ever thought for a minute that this little life, this beautiful, perfect soul, was a mistake. We need to eradicate that narrative from ourselves, once and for all. The truth of the matter is, if her birth situation had been perfect, she would not be with me. Sometimes, our lives take turns and twists that are so complex that we can't see the bigger picture until it is spelled out for us. We have to look long and wide to grasp our blessings. My bean is definitely my greatest blessing. That does not escape me, not for a moment, not ever.
On this Mother's Day weekend, stay safe, be smart, look at the big picture, and wash your hands. Happy Mother's Day.