Grand Disillusions

My planned view when I retire

I am panicking a bit, dear reader. With our busy summer season, we spend Fridays and Saturdays prepping for and setting up at Ligonier Country Market. We try to complete all our production on Thursday, but our rock star soap family keeps us busy making soap until Friday. Thank you for that. It's a good problem to have. However, I came to the realization that we are moving into June. The Shaker Woods Festival is in August. That gives me just weeks to make, cure, clean, stamp, and package an overwhelming amount of soap.

We have decided to take our complete Fall line of soaps and a limited number of Christmas soaps to Shaker Woods this year. We have never taken Christmas soaps to Shaker and are excited at the prospect of introducing this audience to our holiday line. However, this also means we have added a half dozen soaps to our production list, and now, I feel like time is running short. Sigh.

Of our dynamic duo, I am not usually the panicker. I am usually the zen-like voice of reason, saying things to one twitchy, ill-tempered fuzzy bottoms, like, "Look, we make a list, come up with a plan of attack, execute that plan, and we get it done. It's what we do. Stop panicking. You are wasting time and energy." When I look at the list of soaps, moisturizers, and hand soaps we have to create in what I now consider dwindling weeks; my stomach gets this watery, fluttery, sinking feeling. The Bibbed Wonder has had to talk me down and try to ease my anxiety. I have made a rough list of what we need to accomplish, and rather than helping me focus, it makes me panic.

I live in a world of grand disillusion. I sorely underestimate my energy levels; time management is a struggle, and I foolishly believe we can balance work and life. Ha! Work is our life. The Bean is going to Florida for two weeks with GramBarb. I was absolutely insane thinking The Bibbed Wonder and I could sneak away for an overnight trip to get a little R&R. There is no way we can waste two days luxuriating in a trip off the farm. Yesterday, I realized we need to make soap every day but Saturday to be ready for our Shaker Woods extravaganza. The Bibbed Wonder is relieved I shut down the idea of leaving the farm. The man hates to leave home. He hates for his routine to be interrupted, and he hates downtime. He complies with taking a vacation every four years, but we have not been on a vacation since 2015. In 2019, Covid hit and shut down the world, and I believe my husband faced sheltering in place with glee.

Our Bean-free time will be spent here working like fools to realize my overly ambitious vision. I am slowly accepting this reality. We will put in the hours, make the products, and create a wonderful display, and come August, we will be happy we did. Ultimately, it will be worth all the time and hard work. I'm not going to lie; I am a little disappointed we won't get a few days away. However, I suppose I can rest when I'm dead. I have goals for my retirement. Soon enough, we will hand off the farm to The Bean, move to Aruba, drink our morning coffee on the beach, ride Vespas instead of driving cars, and spend our days by the pool or watching flamingos. I fully intend to play and relax equally as hard as I work now. Then, I will write my blog from Aruba. How fun will that be? My blogs will begin; welcome, dear reader, to my retirement blog. Until then, I have soap to make because I am indeed an idiot who thinks I can make all my grand ideas happen. I am also working on giving myself an ulcer. Sigh.

On this overcast spring day, stay safe, be smart, and don't be afraid of hard work. It will all be worth it in the end. You can rest when you are dead, find a partner who talks you off a ledge, and keep washing your hands.