I Am Chaos

Not chaos, just a nice picture of Fauna and her babies

As I sit writing to you, my bib-overall-wearing buddy is mowing the lawn. The Bibbed Wonder hates mowing. He puts it off as long as possible, and when he finally begins, he complains about the weekly chore for the entire spring and summer season. I offer to help him, but I am always met with mild disrespect and very apparent exasperation. Seriously, hit a few rock piles, grind a few stumps with a mower, or have to have a wench used to pull you out from wedging the mower between a tree and a fence post, and one is marked for life. He has nobody to blame but himself. I'm happy to help, but he refuses to let me.

My attempts to make my husband's life easier are often met with indifference or even criticism. Instead of appreciation, he says things like, "Why don't you go pet your chicken," or "Weaponized incompetence is your game, and I'm on to you." I seriously do make efforts to make his life easier. No, I'm being for real. I truly do. We have such different approaches to tasks that it often ends up being more of a battle of wills than an effort to help. I believe that as we get older, our right-brain and left-brain tendencies become more disparate.

Eric is methodical. He enjoys routine, no, he thrives with routine and repetitiveness. He hates change. I mean, HATES change. If it were up to him, everything about his life would be on a lather, rinse, repeat cycle. His clothing is a testament and a physical manifestation of his personality. He literally wears the same outfit day after day. The only thing that changes is the length of his shirt sleeves from one season to the next. He has twenty-one pairs of the same socks, underpants, and t-shirts. His t-shirts have to be Carhartt brand with a pocket. He wears long-sleeved shirts in fall and winter, and short-sleeved shirts in spring and summer. He has fourteen pairs of the exact same bib overalls. He has boots he wears in the studio, boots he wears out and about, and barn boots. He buys the same brand and style of boots year after year.

I, on the other hand, love variety. I embrace change. I enjoy doing something different every day. My wardrobe is a colorful blend of various styles. I wear my hair differently almost daily. I order a different meal from our favorite restaurant every time we go out to eat. I change the furniture arrangement frequently. I decorate and organize, always seeking a more efficient system. To put it concisely, I am chaos. I am the disruptor in my husband's quest for routine perfection.

Since baby season has begun, I have been going out to the barn both morning and night to help with the barn chores. This morning, he snuck out of the house and let me sleep in until 6:00. I wonder if it's because he was being thoughtful or if he's tired of me disrupting his morning routine. I am supposed to count the babies, feed the babies their bottles, feed Mama Boo and Red in a private stall, and feed the boys across the way. I usually get stuck when I count the babies, because they are so adorable, I have to sit down and cuddle them. The Bibbed Wonder no longer tries to hide his exasperation when he asks me if I've done whatever it is I haven't done. I can't repeat the comparison he makes to working with me because it's not nice.

He won't let me mow because when I do, the lines in the grass aren't straight, and it drives him crazy. Seriously? I can't with him. No, he is put upon because he is an anal retentive pain in the a$$. I might be chaos, but I keep things interesting, maybe not always in a good way, but it's never dull. Although I jest about him being a pain in the a$$, he calms my chaotic mind. He adds order to my creativity, and he makes my ideas a reality. I get frustrated with him because he always sees the downside to my grand ideas, but in fact, he is the logic I lack. I appreciate his logical, methodical approach to life. He gives me the stability I crave. To be honest, I'm not really sure what I bring to his life other than frustration and chaos, but he keeps me around.

Despite our differences, we make it work and we have fun. I have thoroughly enjoyed this spring. I love going out to the barn and "helping." I like feeling like I make his life easier, even if it's just an illusion. I appreciate the fact that he allows me to believe I make his life easier and am being helpful. He could probably get things done more quickly without my help, but he smiles when I talk to the babies and sit on the hay mound, cuddling them. I can't be that annoying, right?

On this lovely spring day, stay safe, be smart, enjoy your routine, embrace your differences, and remember that chaos isn't always a bad thing. Oh, of course, keep washing your hands.