Working in the soap studio with my husband often leaves me at the mercy of his playlist. The Bibbed Wonder and I don't have the same music taste. He likes what I refer to as Angry Metal Noise or talkie, twangy, country music. I'm not fond of songs where the artist talks. It annoys me to absolutely no end. I prefer pop, nineties rap, nineties country (it reminds me of my dad), classical, swing, big band, the Rolling Stones, Tom Petty, throw in a little Nine Inch Nails and a smidge of Rob Zombie, and I am happy as a little lark. However, there is one artist we can agree upon: Tyler Childers.
I like Tyler Childer's voice. The Bibbed Wonder likes his bluegrass roots. One song in particular speaks to me: "Follow You To Virgie." Virgie makes me think about the history of our farm, my Grandma Tillie, and the Tonkin boys. I considered my dad and his brothers to be exceptionally close for such a large family. There were seven boys and one girl in my dad's family. The Tonkin boys were a spirited lot. My dad and his brothers would sit around the dinner table during Sunday dinners at my grandparent's house and laugh over the antics of their youth. I used to tell my dad that if he were to grow up in modern days, he would be in placement or juvenile detention. I was only half joking when I told him this. My dad and his brothers viewed their behavior as youthful hijinks. My mother's mother viewed them as mischievous at best and feral at worst. It's all about perspective...wink.
My dad would have everyone in stitches while he told stories of hiding in the big willow tree that grew by the farmhouse's front porch. He would lie in wait for one of his unsuspecting brothers to walk under the tree. He would then urinate on him from the branches above, climbing high to escape the angry fists that awaited him, all the while laughing and mocking the poor fellow who got peed on. My Grandma Tillie had her hands full with so many boys. The boys fondly remember Tillie walking around with a belt around her neck and threatening their backsides if they didn't behave. Not one of them remembers Tillie ever making good on her promise to spank them.
Tillie always reminded me of Edith Bunker from All In The Family. Tillie was high-strung, had a high-pitched voice, was not quick to anger, wore house dresses with aprons over them, and could make a meal out of absolutely nothing. Tillie was happiest when she had her entire brood surrounding her. My youngest uncle is maybe eight years older than me. With so many boys keeping her busy for so many years, grandchildren were not a cherished novelty. Rather, it felt like we were just an extension of a long line of children.
I don't remember being particularly close to my Grandma Tillie while growing up. However, as I grew and matured, we developed a good relationship, and I believe she found me humorous. My outspokenness and strong will seemed foreign to my grandmother. She was a meek individual who never said anything unkind about anyone. If Tillie spoke ill of you, you were considered the lowest of the low. I don't remember my grandmother saying an unkind word about anyone except a young woman who lived over the hill and rode on the tractor with my grandfather one summer night. The mere mention of this woman's name would set a flush to Tillie's cheeks.
My grandfather, on the other hand, was ornery enough for ten men. He would go for weeks and not speak to Tillie over some trivial matter. She often had no idea why he wasn't talking to her, and she would be beside herself with hurt and uncertainty. I remember when I was in my early twenties, and Pap had been giving Tillie the silent treatment for weeks. Tillie sat and cried, declaring she could not stand it and had no idea why he was upset with her. I hugged Tillie and said, "Gram, did you ever consider looking him square in the eye and saying, "Fuck you, Bill!'" Tillie's eyes grew as big as saucers in disbelief, and then she began laughing so hard that tears were rolling down her cheeks. Her response was, "Oh, Tina! I couldn't say that, but could you imagine the look on his face if I did!" Personally, I think Tillie would have felt much better if she had said it.
The Tonkin boys loved their mama. When Tillie was diagnosed with cancer, the boys rallied around her. If pure love, adoration, and will could cure cancer, that woman would have lived to be two hundred. Tillie was in the hospital, and the prognosis looked grim. She had a tube placed that went from her stomach out her nose to help relieve some of the pressure that was building in her abdominal cavity. Gas from her tummy would make the tube bubble as it was expelled. I walked into her hospital room for one of the last times. My tearful greeting to my dying grandmother was, "Hey, Tillie! I heard you are farting through your nose." Even in her weakened state, she laughed out loud and said, "Oh, Tina! You can always make me laugh!"
The Tonkin boys rally when they are needed, particularly when death is near. Those boys could not be forced from the hospital waiting room if the cavalry tried to move them. They each took turns staying with my grandma. It was the same when my dad was ill. Each of the boys took a turn spending the night with my dad so he would not have to be alone in the hospital. His brothers being there meant the world to my dad. I believe it gave everyone a chance to say goodbye and gave them some sort of peace. I will always be appreciative of that act of kindness and love. As I remember Tillie's last days, she was at peace and happy when her boys were near.
The lyrics of "Follow You To Virgie" always bring a sad smile to my face. I can see Tillie smiling and hear her saying, "Boys, be good." Now, three of her seven boys are with her in heaven. When I walk Buster around the fields, and I am lost in memories of my dad, grandma, and uncles, it never fails: I see four monarch butterflies that follow me for the length of our walk. I've begun to greet them, and I say a little blessing that they are all together and happy somewhere beyond the pines.
Yeah, I reckon we were heathens
But in her eyes, we were saints
Now you're calling all the boys home
'Cause heaven's angels carried her away
So, I will follow you to Virgie
Although it hurts me so
To lay to rest this mountain beauty
That the Lord's called home
And I can see her up in glory
I can see her through the pines
Back when all us boys were tryin'
To make sense of all these strings
I can see her in the corner
Singing along to all our crazy dreams
So, I will follow you to Virgie
Although it hurts me so
To lay to rest this mountain beauty
That the Lord's called home
And I can see her up in glory
I can see her through the pines
And I will follow you to Virgie
'Cause that's what us boys are for
To help you out when you get weary
And you can't go no more
Can't you see her up there, Cody?
I can see her through the pines
Saying boys be good
On this rainy Wednesday, stay safe, be smart, let your memories make you smile, and keep washing your hands.
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