I'm So Over Billy Goats!

Don't let those lovely long ears and innocent face fool you. Ace is every bit a disgusting billy goat.

The past weekend was busy and full of drama here on the farm. Because of The Bibbed Wonder and The Bean, you may ask? No, because it is breeding season, and we have not one but two young bucks. You may remember my blog about Ace Ven-Churro, our new Nubian buckling we purchased in the spring. Ace is now a young adult, but because he was raised as a bottle baby, he is super friendly, innocent, and annoying. Add super horny into that mix, and it's really annoying. Poor little Acer can't make heads or tails of his job description. Literally, he jumps on/at anything that moves. Cindy Crawford, our highest quality doe, is looking for love. She was placed in a large stall with the very young and innocent Ace. Cindy was not feeling what Ace was putting out there. She ran from him, head-butted him, and finally, after having her fill of having her head humped by a stinky billy goat, she pinned him against a wall and hit him repeatedly. Poor little Ace jumped and cleared the stall wall, which is as high as my head, in a panic to escape this angry female. His little nose was scratched and bleeding, and he hid behind me, like, "Please don't make me do that again!"

When Oliver, our Boer buck, found out his friend was having fun without him, he decided to escape the well-built, electrified fence one bib overall wearing wonder buns installed. Oliver is not a bottle baby. Oliver is as close to feral as a domestic goat can be. Ollie is not friendly, tame, or even approachable. I received a text from The Bibbed Wonder announcing he needed help with "these damn billy goats." Sigh, so much for my relaxing Sunday morning routine of watching CBS News Sunday Morning. I went out to help Eric corner this goat and try to put him back inside the fence. After running up and down the driveway for what felt like a marathon, we decided to work smarter, not harder.

The Bibbed Wonder entered the barn to bring out Cindy Crawford, aka The Goat of Babylon. Cindy Crawford and all her bellering looking for satisfaction had both little bucks worked into a tizzy. Once Cindy was on the driveway, Ollie was willing to follow her wherever she went. Rather than fight the process and the bucks, we placed Cindy inside the fence with Oliver and Ace. She loved the attention and enjoyed keeping both boys on their toes. At this point, we believe Cindy is bred. However, we can't be sure which buck is her baby daddy. Eric has been making Jerry Springer jokes about baby season all week...sigh.

Cindy is the only girl in heat, and once the boys spent time with her, everything settled down to a peaceful quiet, that is, until Monday. On Monday, it was time to move the girls to the pasture across the driveway, separate the weaned little boys from their mamas, and place them all, including Ace and Ollie, in the lower field by the barn. A whole new level of drama ensued with this little endeavor. Because all the little wethered boys smelled like their mamas, Ace and Ollie went crazy trying to assault the little boys. Poor Little Lester was the object of Ace's desire. Lester came running for me like, "Mama, help me!" I scooped him up in my arms and carried him to the pasture across the driveway to be with the girls. This is no easy feat because Little Lester is close to fifty pounds. I wasn't going to leave my little bottle baby, the subject and star of my children's book, to be molested by those two horny barbarians.

Once the bucks discovered none of their pasture mates were girls, they settled down and left everyone alone. Unfortunately, having two bucks on the property is far more stinky than having one big, mean buck. Poor little Ace has a crust about him made up of urine, and God knows what else...insert gagging. Although he still loves attention, his scent is repugnant, and his constantly dangling weiner is very off-putting. I don't believe Oliver will remain safe and non-threatening as long as Abu did. By the time Abu was Ollie's age, he had started trusting us and cautiously allowing us to pet him. Ollie is definitely the dominant one of the two bucks. I would never hurt any of my animals or inflict harm against them, but if I had had access to a baseball bat when Ollie was running down, knocking about, and humping all the weaned boys, I think I could have knocked him into Kingdom Come. He's not a very nice young man. I am encouraging The Bibbed Wonder to find a new home for Ollie. He is a handsome young goat; he takes after his father. However, I don't see any redeemable qualities in him other than his appearance. At least Abu was friendly and gentle for several years.

Although the mating season is still in its very early stages, both Eric and I are over the billy goats. I foresee that with each female who comes into heat, we will have nothing but problems keeping the bucks separated and away from the females until we are ready for them to do their thing. My fear is that it becomes a mad orgy, and we have baby goats born in the middle of winter. That is taxing on both mamas and babies. Hopefully, we will be able to control the boys better in the field by the barn. Now that they have a small herd of boys to spend time with, perhaps they will be less likely to escape and try to infiltrate the pasture with the females. Who am I kidding? We all know how persistent a horny billy goat can be...sigh. There is never a dull moment.

On this lovely summer-like day, stay safe, be smart, please behave better than a horny billy goat, and keep washing your hands, ugh, especially after handling a billy goat.