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Lessons from an 11-Year-Old




My bean recently spent six days with her GramBarb...say it as fast as you can and smash it all together, and you've got the pronunciation correct. Now that she is doing cyber school, we spend A LOT of time together...A LOT OF TIME. Our privacy and dignity went out the window almost twelve years ago. There is no privacy when we use the restroom. It matters not what is happening in the said restroom; there are always two sets of eyes to witness whatever embarrassing and dignity crushing scenarios occur. Two sets of eyes, The Bean and The B-Dog...my shadows. There is also commentary on whatever is happening in the restroom. There is commentary without any filter or consideration for said dignity. I pray The Bean never begins her own blog. The stories she could tell would decimate whatever shred of dignity I have left. We indeed spend A LOT of time together.


Six days with GramBarb was a much-needed reprieve for us all. The Bean and GramBarb have a wonderful relationship. They laugh, play, tease, and torment each other to no end. My bean is developing her father's wry sense of humor. Heaven help me, I can't handle two of them. When it is not I who is the focus, I enjoy her quick wit and wry humor. With GramBarb being just fifteen minutes away, I could not refrain from stopping in to see my bean. Although the break was refreshing, I missed her more than I will admit. When I arrived at GramBarb's house, the two were in the midst of a competition. GramBarb loves a competition as much as The Bean. She also will not cut anyone any breaks...even if they are merely 11-years-old. This competition focused on curbing bad language. The Bean has developed the bad habit of saying, "Oh, my God!" I have explained to her this is the biblical equivalent of dropping the F-bomb but who am I to lecture too long or hard on appropriate language. GramBarb has a habit of swearing. Not any where near my level of crudly colorful vernacular but enough to be noted by The Bean.


The rules of the competition were simple; whomever uses the offensive words/phrases has to pay their opponent $5. They were on day two of the competition and GramBarb was down $15. On day one, GramBarb was down $20 but The Bean ruined her winning streak by dropping the biblical F-Bomb when discussing a huge source of irritation. GramBarb was indignant and dare I say, a poor looser. The Bean never one to miss an opportunity to irritate and dare I say, act like a poor winner, added insult to injury when she demanded GramBarb make good on her bet and pay up the $15 owed, in the middle of WalMart, on the Barbie aisle. As she unpacked her booty, laughing, dancing about, and jabbing at GramBarb the whole time, she could not have been more pleased with herself. GramBarb acted insulted and told me maybe it was time for me to take her home but she laughed and winked as she said it.


Jordan and GramBarb are a dynamic duo. Not only do they laugh and love, they teach each other valuable lessons while doing so. GramBarb never one to miss an opportunity to throw someone under the bus, told Jordan she should have the same competition with me. Jordan's response was, "Mommy can't afford to compete with me. Even if we dropped it to a dollar, I would be a millionaire after one day." Sigh...perhaps it is my child that brings on such colorful language usage. I am happy to have my bean back home and happier to report there are no requests for competitions. I know when I'm beaten before I even begin and will not subject myself to such shenananigans. The Bean wasted no time in adding her GramBarb booty to her private savings. Upon counting and recounting her stash, she declared herself rich and began to devise a plan to roll her Grandmother for even more cash on new competitions she could surely win. When I pointed out perhaps she merely enjoyed going to GramBarb's house for the Netflix, the super fast wi-fi, and now ill gotten winnings from a poor old lady, she laughed and said, "We have fun together! It's not about the T.V. or the cash, we just like to have fun!" This wise, brave, pragmatic child is a teacher without even knowing.


As always dear reader, stay safe, stay smart, understand the real winnings, and wash your hands.

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