The End of Our Rope
Happy Monday, dear reader. It was a quiet and uneventful weekend here at the farm. That is a welcome relief from the anxiety building activities that usually take place. I believe, dear reader, we are finally beginning to feel the effects of this pandemic. My child, who is always a solar blast of positivity, spent the weekend fluctuating between moodiness and tears. It breaks my heart to see my bean struggling. What makes me feel even worse is our choices are what is causing her such distress.
Saturday, what should have been a day of relaxation and downtime, was spent grumbling and grousing over: the dogs, t.v. shows, movies, YouTubers, The Bibbed Wonder, food, showering, school, time, and pretty much anything that popped into her head, crossed her path or looked at her. The Bean was behaving like a complete and utter misery. I am not used to such behavior from her. She is the one who can always find a silver lining, is always reasonable, and doesn't allow the world to affect her. I was patient most of the day. I listened to her peevish complaints, tried to switch the perspective, and gave her space to just lament. However, the icing on the cake was when she began crying because I asked her to take a shower. Sigh...
The root of the problem, and I knew this, was that we were invited to our friend's house for a small birthday party for her five-year-old. It would not be a large gathering. However, it is people outside our usual circle...a circle that seems to become increasingly smaller by the week. I had a nagging feeling that we should not attend. Because I have vowed to follow my gut instincts, I made the decision not to attend. This decision was not popular with my bean at all. I sat her down, explained my rationale, reinforced our need to stay safe, and expanded on my vow to follow my gut. She calmly said she understands all of that, but it doesn't make it any less disappointing. Her acceptance and rational mindset make tough decisions even tougher. That is when the sour grapes took hold. The Bean walked around the rest of the day looking like she smelled something rotten. Nothing made her happy. My little ball of sunshine had been replaced with a dark, ominous storm cloud, and I was at the center of the storm.
Sunday was not any better. Everybody and everything annoyed Jordan to no end. I put my cleaning routine on hold to hang out with her, but she wasn't thrilled by that. Her dad asked her to make a video with him, which usually excites her; she rolled her eyes, stuck out her lip, and said she "guesses she can do that." When asked if she wanted to talk about what was bothering her, she replied, "No, I'm fine." This moodiness and general displeasure was the pattern for the day. Finally, at bedtime, after the dogs knocking down her blanket fort and spilling the last glass of chocolate milk, the dam burst, and all the emotions were released. She sat sobbing that she misses her friends, just wants to hang out with people her age, hates cyber school, hates physical education on cyber school, and is tired of not being able to go anywhere, and I am getting on her nerves...no offense.
There is no offense taken. We spend 24/7 together. Even the best relationships are going to be taxed with such an intense amount of time. I understand, I really do. I have had episodes throughout the last week feeling like I am hiding from this virus. I too am tired of it. If I am honest, there are moments when both The Bibbed Wonder and The Bean are on my last nerve. However, this does not change the fact that I love them. We all have our limitations,, and this virus thing is testing them. To remedy these feelings, we plan to spend some time apart, doing things we enjoy and that calm us. Jordan is going to have the living room to herself for a few hours. She can flip, watch what she wants, listen to music, dance, or whatever strikes her fancy at the moment, and I will not "bug" her. She is going to face time her friends this week. We are also brainstorming ideas for Valentine's Day surprises for her friends. She is also planning a few days with her GramBarb. Hopefully, this will remedy the blues.
It has been a rough few days. I know, I am not alone in my struggles. I believe we have all had our fill of this virus, limitations, regulations, and social distancing. I am trying to focus on the positives. Numbers in our area are declining. The vaccine will hopefully help to open things up a bit. Spring really is just around the corner. With nice weather we can anticipate being outside, playdates, farmer's markets, picnics, seeing people on a more regular basis and returning to activities we enjoy. We just have to make it a wee bit longer. There is light at the end of the tunnel. We just have to hold on. If you are at the end of your rope, know you are not out there swinging alone. As always dear reader, please continue to stay safe, stay smart, and keep washing your hands. We can do this, we really can.