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Eternal Coolness




I officially feel old. I have recently noted that the trends I enjoyed as a kid or now considered cool retro again—scrunchies, paper bag waist jeans, bomber jackets, harem pants, aka. MC Hammer Pants are all back in style. When did my celebrity icons get old? Do you remember the supermodels of the nineties? Check them out on social media sometimes; sadly, even a deep and God-like gene pool cannot save one from the aging process. Sigh. As I watched the news this morning, Dusty Hill, the originator of "Hair Bands," passed away in his sleep. Dusty Hill was part of the iconic band ZZ Top. When I was young, I loved ZZ Top. Hell, I still love ZZ Top even though I am closer to fifty than not. When a classic ZZ Top song comes on, I rock out to the chorus and exasperate my bean.


My celebrity icons that were so cool, so hip, so edgy are now old. Sinead O'Connor, with her lovely little beauty mark and shaved head, she's old. She now has a mom body, and her beauty mark has expanded with age; it now looks like a mole. Kevin Costner, Tom Hanks, Leonardo DiCaprio are all old too. Sigh. The bands I once loved are considered "classic" or "retro." Def Leopard, The Rolling Stones, Aerosmith, Kiss, AC/DC all have t-shirts available at popular kid stores like Hollister, Abercrombie and Fitch, and Aeropostle. I just bought The Bean AC/DC and Rolling Stones t-shirts per her request. She informed me that "old bands are cool now, mom." When did these iconic badasses become mainstream tween culture? Sigh.


Jordan wishes more than anything she could go back to the eighties when things were safer, simpler, and cool. She has this opinion, not because she admires my age group and me, but because she is obsessed with all things Stranger Things which is set in the eighties. My decade has become to my bean what the fifties were to me. When I was a kid, I wanted nothing more than to wear poodle skirts and saddle shoes. I wanted to go to sock hops and soda fountains and cruise the boulevard in a big, red convertible. When I was in junior high, we celebrated spirit days, and one day was always allotted to the fifties. I would wear a grey and pink poodle skirt, my hair in a ponytail, bobby socks, and a scarf around my neck. I loved it! Now, the eighties are the decade allotted to school spirit days, and the kids wear rolled, acid wash jeans, neon colors, headbands with bows, and keds. They look silly and fun. I don't remember looking silly and fun. I remember looking cool and stylish.


When I was in junior high, I couldn't believe my parents lived in such an amazing time and did such cool things. I also remember my parents, who were younger than I am now, seemed old. Not only were they old, but they also weren't cool. Except for my dad, I always viewed my dad as cool. I wonder, does The Bean view me as old and not cool? Sigh. I suppose it is part of the process of life. One day, you are young, taking risks with eyeliner, wearing cute outfits, high heels, and coloring your hair for fun. Then BAM! you're buying age-defying make-up, Spanx, wearing comfortable shoes, and coloring your hair to cover the greys. Life is so not fair. Sigh.


Rest in peace, Dusty Hill. May you forever do The Tube Snake Boogie with the angels, killing it with your long beard and mad skills. I apologize for your music and t-shirts becoming tweener trend fodder. You were a badass. As always, dear reader, stay safe, be smart, remember that you are still cool, even if it's only in your head, and of course, wash your hands.

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